Life just after a major love relationship conflict is very hard on those involved. We are connected to the world by our web of  relationships. Relationships categories include, parental, sibling, professional, friend and of course love. Most relationships have no clear trajectory, some times they are positive and sometimes negative. We know this through our experiences in life and for the most part we all come equipped with the mental courage to soldier on through troubles. But the love relationship is particularly hard to deal with. How can you survive a break up of a romantic relationship in your life.

A friend of mine told me about her break up. She said that she tried every thing possible to salvage the relationship especially by going the extra mile. But somehow that was not enough. The relationship was built up slowly piece by piece over a couple of years. She tried many things to keep the break up from happening. I asked her how she would deal with her daily life in the context of the loss and heartbreak. She just stared blankly with no hint of answer and a dull light in her eyes. This is a familiar situation.

The direct outcome of break-up is a deep heart wrenching pain. At first it looks like it will never end but given time it slowly dissipates. She's started seeing a marriage counselor in Austin and that has helped. Even though the first impact is shattering if at this phase one can gather all ones internal resources to tolerate the pain then the first hurdle can be successfully crossed.

Following immediately after the pain and often enhancing it is the bitterness and self-blame. We replay all the conflicts and fight scenes and try to find out in each how we were betrayed. This is certainly counter-productive. Dwelling on this only lengthen the duration of this phase and it requires a concerted effort to come out of this.

A new hobby and genuine conversation and new activities with old friends will keep you occupied and will replace the pain and blame quickly.

Concentrating on your career by making new plans and taking chances to network with new and successful colleagues will help a lot. Try to learn how you can improve your personal and business skills. See how far you can stretch yourself to reach the top. Make a to-do list for short term day to day concerns and also a short note to yourself of your long term goals. These will not just divert you from old hurts but help you recover and renew your zest for life.